Business of Life

"Momisms"

Here's a wonderful passalong for Mother's Day.  I'd love to credit the original author of these "Momisms" but I don't know who it is.  If you do, let me know.

WHAT I OWE MY MOTHER


 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. If you're going to kill each other, do it  outside.  I just finished cleaning.


 My mother  taught me RELIGION. You better pray that will come out of the carpet.


 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. If you don't straighten up, I'm going to  knock you into the middle of next week!


 My  mother taught me LOGIC.  Because I said so, that's  why.

My mother taught me MORE  LOGIC. If you fall out of that swing and break your  neck, you're not going to the store with me.


 My mother taught me FORESIGHT.  Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.

My  mother taught me IRONY.  Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.   Shut your mouth and eat your supper.

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.  Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!

My mother taught me about STAMINA.    You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.

My mother taught me about WEATHER.    This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.

My mother taught me about  HYPOCRISY.    If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!


My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. I brought you into this world,  and I can take you out.


 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. Just wait until we get home

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. If you don't stop crossing  your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.


 My  mother taught me ESP. Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?


 My mother taught me HUMOR. When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.


  My mother taught me GENETICS. You're just like your father.


 My mother taught me about my ROOTS. Shut  that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?


My mother taught me WISDOM. When you get to be my age, you'll understand.


My mother taught  me about JUSTICE. One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!