Roger Scruton makes you think again about a lot of things. Here he is on The Importance of Gratitude
In the religions that are familiar to us, the idea of grace is of fundamental importance. The term (Latin gratia) translates a variety of words in Hebrew, Greek, Arabic, and Sanskrit, but all the sacred texts seem to point in the same direction, affirming that God’s relation to the world as a whole, and to each of us in particular, is one of giving.
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The idea that the world is sustained by gift is second nature to religious people, who believe that they should be givers in their turn, if they are to receive the gift on which they depend for their salvation.
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But, as we know, we are entering a new period of human history, in which religious faith is not the normal condition into which children are born. Young people grow up without those rituals, such as grace before meals, which rehearse the distress of their ancestors, and which remind them of their amazing good luck in finding food on the table and comfort all around. Gratitude, if it occurs at all, is for special occasions, when some individual makes a point of stepping in to help them. And many things that were once seen as gifts are now seen as ‘rights’, for which it would be inappropriate to feel gratitude, since if you have a right to something it is, in a sense, already yours.
A gift-giving culture
There is, in the gift-giving culture, a display of gratitude at the moment of gift, and a kind of rejoicing that warms the hearts of those involved. On the gift day the tribe does not merely put aside old quarrels; it feels a renewed surge of affection towards its neighbours. This affection is a kind of moral capital on which it may draw in times of conflict. It delays belligerence, providing the breathing space in which offences can be rectified before it is too late.
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The round of drinks in a pub
We have some familiarity with this from an equivalent ritual in our own communities, which is that of the round of drinks in the pub....the ritual replenishes the bank of affection, helping to create the barrier to belligerence on which close-knit communities depend. And the participant feels, at the moment of giving, an outrush of affection towards each of his companions in turn. He is confirmed in his social membership.
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While charity deals in gifts, justice deals in rights. And when you receive what is yours by right you don’t feel grateful.
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When gifts are replaced by rights, so is gratitude replaced by claims. And claims breed resentment. Since you are queuing on equal terms with the competition, you will begin to think of the special conditions that entitle you to a greater, a speedier, or a more effective share. You will be always one step from the official complaint, the court action, the press interview, and the snarling reproach against Them, the ones who owed you this right and also withheld it.