March 17, 2017

Happy St Patrick's Day

Some quotes and jokes to enjoy on this St Patrick's Day

Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.
William Butler Yeats

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat

I'm Irish. I think about death all the time
Jack Nicholson

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.
Winston Churchill

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.
Oscar Wilde

This [The Irish] is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.
Sigmund Freud

The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it.
Sidney Littlewood

The Mouse on the Barroom Floor
Some Guinness was spilled on the barroom floor when the pub was shut for the night.
Out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse and stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy brew from the floor, then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long you could hear him roar, 'Bring on the goddam cat!'

****

Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."  'Faith now,' exclaims Reilly, 'I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.

****

The Doctor was puzzled 'I'm very sorry Mr O'Flaherty, but I can't diagnose your trouble.  I think it must be drink.'
'Don't worry about it Dr Cullen, I'll come back when you're sober.', said O' Flaherty.

****

Dermot McCann opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly 'phoned his best friend Reilly.
'Did ye see the paper?' asked Dermot. 'They say I died.'
'Yes, I saw it.' replied Reilly. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

****

Six Irish men were playing poker when one of them played a bad hand and died.  The rest drew straws to see who would tell his wife. One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friend’s house to tell the wife.
The man says to her, “Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.”
The wife says, “Tell him to drop dead!”
The man responds, “I’ll go tell him.”

****

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.  "Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday." Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"

Posted by Jill Fallon at March 17, 2017 2:36 AM | Permalink