Legacy Matters

The Presence of My Father

Because he was the most important man in my life,  it doesn't seem so long since he's been gone even though my father died sixteen years ago.

In fact, I got a letter from him, or part of one, just last month.

In the course of getting ready to sell the family house after my mother's death, some fifty years of accumulated stuff had to be gone through and decisions made as to where all the stuff was to go.

Going through some old files, my brother Kevin found a sealed letter written by my father to be opened only after his death.  Never opened, it contained a last will and testament written by my father in January of 1961 just before a trip he was to take to California with my mother.

Apprehension before a long trip is common, instinctively connected to the apprehension of our own mortality.  As Katherine Mansfield wrote, "Whenever I prepare a journey, I prepare as though for death.  Should I never return, all is in order."

Just before a long trip is when most people write or revise their wills.

My father was only 38 and the father of seven young children when he wrote the will we just found.

He hadn't traveled much since the war where he was a Flight Officer in the Army Air Force.  While recuperating from an illness, he met and, a month or two later,  married my mother, an Army Air Force nurse.    I came soon after.  We moved to Vermont when he began college on the GI Bill.    By the time he had finished law school and passed the bar, a fifth baby arrived, little Colleen.  At the same time, he also got the highest mark on the civil service entrance exam, a congruence of events that elicited an invitation from the Governor to come in and receive his gubernatorial congratulations. 

He supported all of us on the salary he received from from his day job at the Massachusetts Board of Conciliation and Arbitration which handled industrial and job disputes.  With his new civil service ranking, he was appointed Chairman of the Board.

Only a few years later, he was invited to join the American Academy of Arbitrators and that was the occasion of the trip to California - to attend his first conference and take my mother with him as a sort of vacation, a rare separation from all of us.

So I understand the apprehension he must have felt and the pressing need to write a will, appoint guardians, and record where his accounts and policies were.  What I did not expect were his notes "a few words to each child."  What came back with resounding force was the importance of his Catholic faith and passing it on.  His presence is palpable in what he said and in his handwriting which is as recognizable to me as my own.  I imagine his writing this late one night at the kitchen table.

This is what he said:

Jill, you've been a wonderful daughter, your sense of values are superb. Always have God come first, be kind & considerate and charitable & use your wonderful intellect. All my love.

Kevin, you always tried hard to be good and you were never really bad.  Work hard and try hard and you'll be a fine man. Your religion is the best gift we have given to you & always cherish it as you have in the past.  All my love.

Debby, in many ways the most thoughtful and kindest of all.  But exasperatingly thoughtless at other times, we've always loved you deeply Deb and we know you'll rely upon God to direct your life.  All my love.

Billy, a good boy, we're blessed with wonderful children and Billy, you've got the makings of a fine man.  Enjoy sports with Kevin & Robbie, be true to God & your faith & remember to work hard for a solid goal in life.  All my love.

Sweet Colleen, our most affectionate & a good girl, be kind & thoughtful always & do a good, good job in school as Mother and I want you to make us proud.  Say your prayers & cherish your faith.  All my love.

Dear Robbie, you've been a good boy & always kind to little Julie.  Kev & Billy will help you & teach you gams & when you go to school we know you'll work hard.  Be a good Catholic boy.  All my love.

Dear little Julie, with your imagination & inquisitiveness you'll be a wonderful student.  Jill, Debby & Colleen will teach you how to be a good girl.  All my love.

I was 15, Kevin 12, Debby 10, Billy 9, Colly 7, Robby 4, Julie almost 3.

We were fortunate to have him around for an additional thirty years so this will and these notes never came to light until now.    A gift to all of us, reminding how powerfully and wonderfully we were all loved.  A reminder of how heroic raising children can be.

When I first it, I burst into tears, so moved was I in hearing from him .