Legacy MattersHow my baby helped me discover the tragic mother I never knew
For good or ill, most of us see flashes of our mothers in our daughters - but for me it's both shocking and exquisitely sweet, because my mother has been dead for more than 30 years.
I never knew her, and that's why it's so wonderful to find shades of her again now. She's there in the glint of my daughter's smile, in her infectious laugh and sparkiness; but most of all, she's there in the love I have for Nancy.
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But I knew, however painful it might be, that I had to find the true essence of my mother.
Tentatively, I asked my mother's brothers and sister to write down their memories of her. (Sadly, my grandmother is now dead and my grandfather is very old.) I needed to know who my mother was. I needed to discover what she would have wanted for me.
I needed to know mundane details about her. Which hand did she write with? What made her happy? What made her laugh? For the first time in over 30 years, I wanted her existence to be acknowledged.