January 31, 2014

"The power to heal psychic wounds is rare and precious"

Rea Ginsberg writes about the mournful reputation of grief counselors

We are often asked, “How can you do that?”  How can you stand to do that work?  Such a dreary subject.  Grim but supposedly necessary.  Don’t you get depressed with all the talk of dying?  Facing death and its consequences every day must be the prime route to burnout.  Are mental disorders prevalent among grief counselors?  Aren’t you afraid all the talk of dying will make you a little crazy?  Don’t you find it frightening, talking about death and dying all the time?  Don’t you want some joy in your life?  Do something else, anything that doesn’t relate to death.
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Pain is inevitable in every human life.  Like it or not, wish against it or not, there it is.  Pain waits patiently and outlasts our resistance.  It is a fundamental fact of life.  Death is also a fact of life, a fact until further notice.  Significant loss occurs in every life.  Death occurs to every life.  Death hurts.  It causes grief.  There is yet no pill to make it go away.  Maybe there should not be such a pill.  Enter: the supportive grief counselor.
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Survivors need interpersonal help and healing.  Usually, friends and family do the job.  The path is painful and also lonely at times.  Sometimes, a professional counselor is just the right remedy.  He is prepared to be a companion for a time, along the way to reconstructed balance and equilibrium.  Along the way to adjustment.  He is equipped to hear the hurt and lighten the load.  In a hurry-up, get-over-it society, the grief counselor is a safe harbor in the mourning storm.  His focus is not time.  It is not a predetermined schedule.  It is not a deadline for completion.  His focus is connection, understanding, and support.  It is helping the survivor to feel comforted because someone who knows grief is actively listening.  The center of his attention is less advice and more the not-so-simple act of being with the survivor, to facilitate self-rediscovery and restore dignity.
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The power to heal psychic wounds is rare and precious. Few people have this skill.    It is needed.  It is a service.  It becomes a moral obligation for those who have that power.  To have it is to take pleasure in exercising it.  To have it and withhold it is unethical.  It is contrary to conscience.  It defies accepted standards of professional behavior.  It is also unhealthy because there is nothing more important in life than human connection.  To assist the progress of connection provides further integrity and growth to the facilitator.  The grief counselor is rewarded in greater wholeness, in life lessons studied, learned, and integrated.  Death is not an enemy.  It is a creative disrupter.  It is one of our most profound and valuable teachers.  It is life-affirming.  It is our gateway to meaningful and vigorous life
Posted by Jill Fallon at January 31, 2014 1:22 PM | Permalink